Design dreams deferred: a story of resilience
Three crossroads, one decade, and an unchanging sense of longing to pursue design
Have you ever wanted something deeply but believed it wasn’t yours to have? Design was like that for me throughout my teens and twenties.
My love for arts was a gift I inherited from my father as he always made time to explore arts, culture and nature with my siblings and I growing up. He was quite the romanticist, as he, himself, loved arts, music and literature.
I appreciated art in its ability to explore and express ideas that evoked questions and feelings, but for me, I wanted to make more of a tangible impact for people in their day to day lives. It wasn’t until high school that I discovered design through an after school interior design class. I liked the idea that design combined visual creativity with practicality. It was made for humans, to be used by humans.
It wasn’t until I was submitting my college applications that I encountered my first crossroad to choose a path to design. At the time, I had circumstantial and internal obstacles that I ultimately succumbed to, but at its core, I compared with my peers and got scared — I was 17.
My life continued, graduating with a degree in art history that I enjoyed but didn’t know what to do with. It was when I worked at an education institute in administration that I encountered my second crossroad. The director offered a design opportunity for the company despite having no experience. Learning to use the design softwares, designing their marketing and educational materials, and rebranding their logo and website were some of the things I got to do for the first time. It was challenging learning on my own, but fun and rewarding. However, even then, I didn’t consider myself as a designer.
Thinking back, there were a lot of mixed emotions that held me back. A part of me that was crippled with fear of failure and self-doubt, and another part of me that felt responsible to sacrifice my dreams to support my parents who’ve sacrificed their lives to immigrate here in hopes to bring better opportunities for my siblings and I. Rather than thinking of a way to pivot into design, I walked away believing it was too late — I was 23.
Over the next 6 years, I built my career in account management, earning recognition from my clients, peers and management. I was grateful and proud of the journey thus far, but deep down a sense of unfulfillment remained. It wasn’t until I was forced to stop running at full throttle from a physical health condition that the longings and aspirations I had long-buried in my heart started to resurface. It was around this time I was introduced to user experience design, and I was immediately drawn to it. A study of design that utilizes visual creativity to solve human needs through observing and understanding human behaviors. I remember thinking, “this is it, this is what I want to do.” For the third time, I was at a crossroad at age 29.
It wasn’t that my circumstances changed, or my fears disappeared. After closing on the door on myself twice, and recognizing the regret and longing that brewed in me, I came to realize how much I wanted this for myself. I decided it was going to be worth starting again, worth facing my fears, and worth overcoming the challenges that come its way. If you were to ask me if I’ve conquered all of my fears, I have to say, I still wrestle with them. What I have learned, however, is the courage to take a step forward despite.
It’s been a long time coming, but I’m excited for the journey ahead to continue growing as a designer.
